


The one where Peter wails on a Kree

by LiberatedPuppeteer



Category: Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Venom (Comics), Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: M/M, MCU refs, Other, Sorry Not Sorry, Venom movie refs, based off a rp my friend and i are making, better than comics right now, no cars were harmed in the making of this, use of memes, youtube is a thing in marvel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22340062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiberatedPuppeteer/pseuds/LiberatedPuppeteer
Summary: Historian/Editor/Derp Note:  Loosely based on the characterizations established with a friend of mine in a role play and I have no idea how to link other works to this but you know who you are. Peter and Eddie are rational beings here and the symbiotes don't become monsters. Rest in pieces Tel-Kar you flaming pile of horse shit.No cars, pizzas, or alien children were harmed in the making of this... whatever this is.
Relationships: Eddie Brock/Peter Parker/Venom Symbiote
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	The one where Peter wails on a Kree

Peter never considered himself lucky.

He did coin the phrase “Parker luck” for a reason

For most of his life his luck ran shy of anything good. He always landed in awkward, embarrassing, or troublesome situations with the smallest of effort. Walking down the street could result in him being in the middle of a botched robbery with a dash of grounding from May.

But running into Eddie and alien that accompanied the fledgling reporter… that was probably the best thing his luck ever gave him.   
  
It resulted from obviously his luck rearing its head and led to many a misadventure with the reporter and alien. Yes he did knock Eddie out with a tree branch, long story with that, but in the end… They all got a life with opportunities and a place to call their own thanks to being given an unused safe-house in SoHo they’ve made into a well loved home. 

Eddie liked that he had a space to work out and tinker with his bike. Peter liked that he had a lab and the alien, a symbiote that they called V loved that it was so close to several chocolate stores. Especially after improvements were made to the security and soundproofing.

Yes he and Eddie and V did moonlight as superheroes, which made domestic life chaotic on occasion but… It… It felt perfect. 

A nice home, education, two loving partners and the positive reaction New York gave to his help as Spider-man…   
  
Yeah it was perfect.

Of course, his Parker Luck never was kind for too long.

In their oasis, V oh so casually mentioned that it was… pregnant(?) and it’s children would be coming soon. The mad scramble to baby-proof the home began, as well as what to dub the babies (it’s still a tie between noodles and starbursts) in addition to a crash course on how to parent alien children.

\---

Peter knelt over his experiment with great care, as the subject for this creation was his partners. 

He worried about Eddie and V’s safety when they went out as Venom since they didn’t really carry a utility belt or anything similar to it and… well he had every right to worry about his partners. Thing was some of his best came out of this concern and care like headphones V could use when binge watching late at night and a super tough helmet to protect Eddie when he rode his bike. 

This time it was a new webbing fluid. He had been looking at nature and the various spiders that were known to be master weavers and came across the Darwin spider. Hearing about the tensile strength and the fact it made river wide web became an inspiration for webbing fluid the three could use. If this worked, V wouldn’t have to use its own genetic material to move through the city and Spider-man could do more. It would save lives…

And since Eddie was out working, it seemed perfect to work on this project.  
  


The gloves going up to his elbows, the goggles that fogged if the lab wasn’t room temperature and the heavy weight of the fire retardant apron didn’t help his precision but to have four tiny “heads” of various colors watch with curiosity as V draped over his shoulder… He would take the sacrifice.

The heads in his apron peeped and he smiled while slowly handling the chemicals. “They’re chatty today, aren’t they?”

**“They want to watch you play with the old formula.”** The black mass answered.

“Well if they’re good, I could shoot some old speakers or pots.” He chuckled as unison peeps sounded off like cheers. “But this is important… I could be one step closer to making artificial spider silk.”   
  
**“They can’t help it.”** V stretched itself down to hold its children and Peter tilted his head to gently nuzzled the alien. 

“I know.” He wasn’t complaining about them, it made experiments better when he had an excitable audience. It wasn’t as fun as when all of them were together since Eddie asked questions in addition to the peeping but it was still fun. The fact that the small symbiotes found all of this exciting was just another thing to add to the growing list of reasons why he and Eddie loved the babies.

In fact, sometimes he caught himself calling them his own kids and apologized out of respect to V, since the symbiote was the one that bore them. 

With slow stirring the formula started to react the way he hoped and the tiny peeping grew louder in unconstrained excitement. He loaded it into cartridges to test on some old pottery someone left on the street until Eddie came home from his job. “A few tests and we can study the re-” 

He heard glass break the floor above and things being tossed. All of them were followed by footsteps he knew didn’t belong to his boyfriend. But the clincher was his spider sense screaming at him that danger was nearby.

Damn his luck. Sorry May.

He loaded his shooters and fired a little sac in one of the crannies the aged home provided. One by one he placed the babies inside and held his finger out for them to grab. “We’ll be back soon ok?” He then motioned for them to stay silent as he traveled upstairs with V, allowing the alien to hide under his suit. 

The intruder was a blue man, Kree if he remembered correctly, that looked homeless. He was tearing through their collection of books and Peter crawled on the ceiling, easing down on a web. “The Ikea is a few blocks east.” 

The Kree tossed a bookshelf at him and he dodged. 

“What did books ever do to you!?” Maybe he could charge the alien for destroying their stuff… if he even carried a Visa. Especially for the destroyed copies of Hemingway and Orwell Eddie treasured.

The Kree tensed before he collected himself, straightening his stature and look as much as he could. “My apologies, you startled me…”

“Spider-man.” He deadpanned. He had had enough reactions to know he scared even fellow meta-humans and wasn’t going to give this clown any room for insults. “If I didn’t know better I would give you a pass to Vegas to join the rest of the Blue Man Group, Mister…”

“Tel-Kar. Immature banter aside, you could be some assistance. I’m looking for something-”

“I can see that.” Especially since he tore their living room apart and oh look, he punched through their tv… greaaat. Peter was going to be submitting this to insurance.

Yet something didn’t feel right… Tel-Kar didn’t look like the average lowbrow criminal, and the cuffs on his hands and feet… the only time he saw anything close to those was when a superior Hydra officer drugged on a new experiment or uber powerful meta-human was caught.

This Kree oozed _bad_ and _danger_.

_I don’t like this, V_ . He engaged the symbiote in a mental conversation. His bond with V wasn’t as intense compared to Eddie’s bond with it but it was strong enough for the alien to seep into his body if there was danger to it. “Look, I don’t care _what_ you’re looking for but could you do it somewhere else, like _away from my house_!”

“It’s-”

“Clothes can’t be that important you have to raid someone’s home. There’s homeless shelters that give you those-”

“ _It’s not the clothes you little_ -” Tel Kar drew in a sharp breath before he spoke again. “I was trained to become a super soldier for my people and I had a… _partner_ I heard bonded to a human here on Earth. I want it back.”

He wanted to be surprised but this wasn’t the first time someone was looking for V. Mad scientists, businessmen, some Elon Musk wannabe nutjob back in San Fran… many people went looking for V as soon as they heard about Venom. 

“Y’know I’m going to show you some New Yorker hospitality right now when I say this but leave my house _right now_.” Peter tensed, urging the symbiote to hide inside him because there was no way in hell or any other damn version of limbo that was in the multiverse was this blue man reject going to take V. 

Tel-Kar took a step forward. “Please I implore you to help-” Peter webbed his mouth shut before V covered his suit. 

**_“Get the hell out of our home.”_ ** Sorry May... but even he had his limits. 

The Kree ripped the webbing off with considerable effort, blinking at the smaller being. “It belongs to me so hand it over you-” His attention drifted away from Spiderman and slowly he grinned in a fashion that reminded Peter too much of a predator.

Small peeping alerted him and he glanced back to see one of the babies, the bright red and black one, moving towards them. 

Oh **_hell no_ **. 

Spider-man moved, grabbing a bar stool and smashing it over Tel-Kar’s head and mentally apologizing to Eddie because those were solid oak and he picked them out and they were really nice. He scooped up the baby and vaulted out of the window, clutching the peeping alien to his chest. He entered his lab and placed the baby in its bed with its siblings before taking the sack and wearing it like a backpack just as Tel-Kar jumped into the window, still wearing his smile. 

“You don’t know how to wield-”

“ _Wield_ ?! They’re not _weapons_ you…” He growled at the alien, allowing V to brandish claws. 

**_Can we kill him?_ **

_Kill no, but I’m not above seriously injuring._

“Give them to me!”

Peter roared at him and charged, digging V’s claws into his arms and _throwing_ the Kree against the wall. 

Tel-Kar pushed himself off the wall and used the kinetic energy to launch himself at the duo, growling when Spider-man flipped out of reach. 

Spider man fired his webbing, catching Tel-Kar’s fists and with extra encouragement from the peeping babies slammed him against the wall. Then against the floor, landing none too gently on the alien’s head. 

Peter decided to take a page from the Hulk’s playbook. Many times the Avengers had to face against powerful foes and a Asgardian named Loki was just one… but one fight showed Hulk with no chill using said Loki like a dammit doll that someone recorded and posted on YouTube. It went viral and is still one of the most viewed videos. It wasn’t Banner’s proudest moment (he still cringes at it), but right now it was perfect to use against this blue smear. 

Claws dug into Tel-Kar’s legs and the two made the alien into a rag-doll. A few slams against the walls, tossing him into the ceiling, and a few dozen slams into the floor on both sides of the room. When they finished tossing him around the room like Kree salad, Peter threw him out the window with a none too quiet “YEET!” and watched him bounce off someone’s Honda. 

They landed on the street, waiting for the Kree to make a move so they could let loose round two. All they got was a wheeze and barely a twitch of his fingers. 

_I think the new formula works so far, ready for more extensive testing?_

**_Just as long as the spawn-_ **

_Noodles._

**_Spawn. As long as the spawn are secure I’m alright with it._ **

“ _Noodles_.” Peter muttered under his breath as he modified the impromptu backpack to ensure the babies wouldn’t fall out. “Stay inside the ride at all times.” He gently booped them with his finger.

\---

Eddie silently thanked New York City for the convenience of Hot Dog stands at almost every street corner. And also that they didn’t cost an arm and a leg, his internship wasn’t handing him a fortune.

He waited for the employee to create his lunch when passersby cheered out. He peered up thinking it was Iron Man and blinked at what he saw. 

Spider-man in black wearing a web pack full of colorful baby symbiotes peeping swinging through the city, lugging a tied up Kree. It was clear this perp wasn’t well liked as occasionally, _like it was an accident_ , he was slammed into a building or a light pole with Spider-man apologizing. 

But he _knew_. Watching them carefully, he could see the subtle manipulation of the strand so it swayed just enough for the Kree to experience pain. This was his partners livid, understandably so if it had to do with the Starbursts with them. 

“Sir? Sir!” Eddie was alerted to the fact that he had ordered food and his loaded hot dog was being held out in front of him. 

“Sorry.” He handed the man his payment and grabbed his food, chasing after Spiderman towards Avenger HQ.

\---

They didn’t make a subtle entrance. They tossed Tel-Kar through the bulletproof glass in front of the Avengers and rolled in, standing up with his arms up. “Ta-da!”

It wasn’t new to anyone. Spider Man tried to make a show at times and if someone pissed him off… 

What was new was the timing. 

This was the middle of a meeting so _most_ of the frequent members were there (Ben and Johnny were babysitting) and since it was _lunch_ food was provided. Spider-Man never showed up to a _meeting_! In fact it surprised Hawkeye to the point that he actually forgot about the pizza in his hand and Captain America had to dump change in the swear jar.

The only sound was the _plop_ Hawkeye’s pizza made when it hit the floor.

“Ta… da?” Peter even threw in some weak jazz hands before he rubbed his arm nervously.

Mister Fantastic stood up and walked over to the Kree on the floor. “Peter, what did you do?” He rolled the him over and checked his pulse, giving the younger hero a disappointed look. “ _Peter_ … you better explain why you have a half dead Kree here.”

“I think Spidey snapped.”

Blade stood up, hands in the air like he was done. “I’m not involved.”

Spider-man removed his mask so the veteran heroes could tell that he wasn’t completely guiltless. V made a head and face to show them the little guilt it had as well. “I… We can explain.” Peter said, kicking the Kree in the ribs as the alien made a noise. 

“ _Peter_!” 

“He deserved it, honest!” Peter cleared his throat just as the baby symbiotes peeked out from the pack and peeped in curiosity. 

There was more silence, eyes focusing on the tiny aliens and then _every_ woman that had a maternal role in life in the room snickered or smirked in silent understanding. 

A screen that served as a bulletin board flickered on and showed them all the Kree’s face with facts stating that he was wanted for war crimes. 

Susan stood up and stopped her husband from possibly lecturing Spider Man. “Reed, let me take care of this.” And in maternal affection hugged Peter. “You’re going to be a good parent, I would’ve done the same if it happened with my children.”

And in that moment _everyone_ figured out. Peter didn’t snap so much as switched into Mamma Bear mode… which was probably as scary if not scarier. 

The elevator dinged and Eddie, panting from _running_ , stepped out. “Peter, V… What…” He blinked as he took in the Kree, the Avengers, the _broken window_ and the _flashing wanted poster_ . “ _What?_ ” 

“Eddie… I can explain this and the apartment…”

“What happened to the apartment?” He got an alert from their security system on his phone that _showed_ some of the damage. “... _What_ _happened to the apartment_?! Are those…” Yeah it was clear he saw the books. 

**“We can explain everything.”** V added as the babies peeped at seeing their other parent. 

Curse Peter’s Parker luck.

**_-End-_ **

- **_Omake-_ **

The babies were sleeping as the adults picked up the pieces in their living room. 

Eddie sighed mournfully as he picked up the remains of his journalism books. “Intergalactic war criminal or not, what does he have against _Orwell_?” 

“I’ll get you a new copy.” Peter took the remains from him with great care. “Promise.”

“The fact you tossed him into a car is good enough for me… _should’ve been a semi_.” Eddie muttered under his breath.

As they cleaned, V stared at the old tv that was missing a good… 90% of the screen. **“So does this mean we can get a flat screen tv?”**


End file.
